A twist on a familiar tale

Shorty greasy spot spot

A cock and bull story

Geordie / cockney tiff

So, who's man enough to tell those cuddly Geordie footie fans that the club isn't theirs, never has been theirs and never again will ever be theirs or anyone elses who doesn't have millions and squillions of cash to actually pop to the local estate agent and buy it.

And Kevin Keegan really isn't all hes cracked up to be either.

Hermione Cockburn

A new star in the cocking firmanent. Miss hermione Cockburn who was to be seen slavering and fawning over Sir David Attenburger on telly the other night. Oooooo Sir dave, you're so cool and can I have your gold card and BA travel pass when you retire please?